Friday, July 18, 2008

F*** the Pie.

If your career comes down to whether you should fuck a pie or not, just fuck the pie. Yes, millions of people will always remember you as the pie-fucker. That's ok. Actors want to be memorable. Name two scenes from the teen flick American Pie, and I guarantee it's with Jason Biggs (pie-fucker) and the other one with Alyson Hannigan (pussy-fluter). It's like Will Ferrell's ass in a thong, the sperm atop Cameron Diaz, or the game of Battle-shits in Harold and Kumar. You must lower your reputation for a shining moment; a moment that tells other actors it's ok to act in these scenes. Yes, darling, it's ok.

(Ok, it's really embarrassing. Does it help that people laugh? Laughter heals the world, right? Fine. Play the suave role in Bond or Batman. You'll regret it.)

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